Chronic doubt: Banishing the invisible clothing controller
Far from being the poor, barely clothed waif of classic ‘country’ songs, my childhood nonetheless created sartorial scars that have taken decades to erase. This is definitely NOT a ‘woe is me’ tale, and please don’t read it as such. There IS a happy ending – eventually.
THE GHOST OF WARDROBES PAST
My past: In a nutshell, I moved around a lot - often going to at least two schools a year. And basically, this is where the first scars started to form: never in the same uniform as others, never had the right satchell/briefcase, never abreast of ‘in-jokes’, definitely the target of bullies. My mother’s needlework skills, something of which I am now immensely proud, just got me into more trouble with gibes about not being able to afford new clothes. Teenage years are rarely easy, and mine were mainly spent doing anything I could to at least look as if I fitted somewhere within ’societal/cultural norms’. My lack of success sent me into a spiral of worse choices as I tried harder and harder to ‘align’ or gain approval. I could never work out whether people didn’t like my clothes (fair enough) or didn’t like me (much more damaging at the time). Despite my desire to fit, I backed away from cliques. And although essentially sociable by nature, riding roughshod alongside was hideous social anxiety. I know now that mine was not a unique story.
There are, throughout history, plenty of poor messages regarding style. I’d like to think these originators were quoted out of context or perhaps being clever with an attention-grabbing soundbite (see below for who said what). But messages and rules continue to surround us and, actually, contribute to making some of us feel worse.
1. ‘You can never be too rich or too thin.’
2. 'I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot!'
THE GHOST OF WARDROBES PRESENT
My ‘style': I’m glad my lack of clothing confidence was pre-social media, and that the passing decades, along with some amazing women I have met (Jane included) allow me to keep myself in balance. But it’s still not easy. I stand in front of my modest rail of clothes – mainly black with a few items that are striped – and still feel outfit-inappropriate, but not cripplingly so, like the past! I ‘parked’ heels a long time ago when I realised I was never going to be Carrie Bradshaw, and have lived in sand-coloured ankle boots pretty much ever since. I invested (although not financially) in comfort – soft, loose clothes, natural fabrics, often oversized. And I generally wear h-u-g-e earrings. In short, I’ve developed my own ‘uniform/capsule wardrobe’, one that suits my lifestyle, is easy to maintain, and that is definitely ‘me’. [Social event. Background chatter. Oh, here she comes - I can hear her earrings. Wait … are those new sand-coloured ankle boots? Oh … no. Same ones!]
As many before me have commented, age does, thankfully, allow one to say: 'It’s who I am.’ We (most people, in general) have to compromise on so many things in life all the time. I don’t want to get heavy, but in an era of climate change, political strife, wars, economic hardship, having the choice of what to wear each day is a luxury, surely. Fashion rules are, as far as I can see, a complete myth.
3. 'Clothes aren’t going to change the world. The women who wear them will.'
THE GHOST OF WARDROBES FUTURE
My fears: I can’t imagine the pressure now and going forward on younger people in our often unhealthy social media world. There are few photographs of my fashion faux pas, and all that’s left of the taunts and jokes about my clothing are a desire to hug my younger self and say: ‘Honestly, there’s more important things in life.’ But today, right now in fact, we approach a ’social season’ where posted images/videos can be endlessly judged for who’s looking ‘Gucci AF!’ (pouts) or ‘cheugy’. It’s confidence sapping just thinking about it. It seems cruel that as we scroll our various feeds, people we don’t know and are never likely to meet are publically ridiculed because of the clothes they are wearing, their body shape, their hairstyle, even the breed of dog they have. Are we really this shallow? How do we change things? Is there a way we can encourage people to be confident in their choices? How do we protect them against shaming and bullying? Will there EVER be an outbreak of commonsense? Let’s sincerely hope so.
4. 'I think our bodies are beautiful, and I think celebrating them and being comfortable in them – no matter what age you are – is important. There shouldn't be any kind of shame or discomfort around it.’
5. ‘There are no rules. It’s all about the individual and personal style.’
6. 'I wear MY sort of clothes to save me the trouble of deciding which clothes to wear.'
Sandra Stafford is an author, editor and long-time Trash Chic customer.
You’ll find Trash Chic online, on Facebook and on Instagram.
Answers
1. Mrs Wallace Simpson
2. Marilyn Monroe
3. Anne Klein
4. Jennifer Anniston
5. Alexander McQueen
6. Katharine Hepburn